"
I'ma gonna kill you! Bach in mya restaurante?"
"It's because of the penguins."
"He told him 'Wash my good knife - filet the bass' not 'Watch my nude wife play the bass'!"
"HE ALWAYS MIXES UP BOUILLABAISE WITH BOOTY BASS"
"The exact shade is, of course, mulberry. Hence, the going around."
"rectum?...damn near killed him."
"Just another syptom of Global Warming"
"It happens every time she plays 'Boop boop dit-tem dat-tem what-tem Chu!'"
"Nora fiddles while the roe burns."
"?Just think of this as Schubert’s revenge. The TROUT gets even.ÿÿÿÿìÀôy
Áôyr
±lÓ1 €åË °éË Ú1zÿÿÿÿ¨ñçyÑÐùyÎ
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"Chefs Boyardead"
"SO MUCH FOR CO-ED TUNA FILETING"
"If a nude musician cab lower our workplace violence, we will share the idea with the Post Office."
"Sarah Palin just stopped by."
"The
German chef sez 'De-scale the bass und dress it;' the Italian helper
sez 'Watta he say?' and here we are. This is precisely why they lost the
war, you know."
"The chef ordered a large rock bass, not a rock and roll bass played by a nude woman. What a mix up!"
"Becky's braces come off Tuesday."
"its
a metaphor for the world's response to global warming. The chiefs run
around in circles accusing each other, while the public fiddles
oblivious to their naked vulnerability, and nature is left high and dry.
Dessert is served flambe."
"Her boob is showing."
"Stupid operator, I asked for massagist referral and I got misogynist removal."
"It's either God or the navy seals."
"One-two-three-four, I declare a passive-aggressive war."
"'Harold, don’t you try to threaten me with the giant shiatsu massager.' 'Nancy, if you say no, I will push squeeze button.'"
"Ben and Ethel try the latest in museum guided tours"
"This particular bill collector has a new method of operation. OUCH!"
"How did 'sandwich' turn into 'handwich'?"
"It was this or a minivan."
"I'm Michel Foucault, but right now I feel more like Michelle FUCKault."
"Honey, don't worry.
I know this looks strange...
IT just grabbed me...To help me Out...Somewhere..."
"The Mother Ship calls, Edna. You know I've always been into fisting."
"I asked it to create a giant hand to carry me around all day. Now that's a smart phone!"
"I feel like I am being squeezed by a big hand."
"Twenty-three years as Letterman's bandleader and this is the first time I get a tremendous hand...."
"For
the last time Tilda, God and I are going to the track. We're not going
to be 'cruising' heaven for some 'fine angel pussy,' that only happened
once and it was a mistake. Oh, and don't try to call, the racetrack has
lousy reception."
"How Do I Get Rid Of This? I-Pad, I-Pod, X-Box??? I-Don't Know."
"That iPhone app ... It's a cookbook! It's a cookbook!"
"Don't hold me large hand, Bucky Pizzarelli. I love you."
"Grab the life by the balds"
"I need to select something other than the 'Ching-Chong Ling-Long King-Kong' ring tone."
"Man: Okay don't panic honey, the guy said he's just warming his hands.
Woman: Right....Well cold hands are no excuse for filthy fingernails.
Man: ***EEEEEEERRRRRRRRHHHHHHHH****"
"HONEY, I'M HOME!"
"Line 1: Hello..., sure...Ahh!
Line 2: What do you mean?"
"Suck it."
"This cartoon could have been funny if i was holding an iPad instead of this silly phone"
"Where's my aardvark?"
"He keeps saying, 'Beam Me Up, Scotty' but FIRST, I'm Sidney. And SECOND, I DON'T HAVE 4G!!"
or, "Call Aunt Rae and tell her there is a God!"
"Honey, this is how they use cell phones in Canada."
"No
Dr. Vish I am not phoning you because Martha and I are ingrates for
your saving us money. We appreciate your growth hormone for our Howard
from the pituitary glands of apes from Skull Island. There does seem to
be one minor problem however…"
"He wants to know if we have time for a five minute survey on packaged meats."
"Bu-u-u-rp."
"Just testing, guys. (Really, Marshall -- it's me, Pam.)"
"So then Bjork said . . ."
"They're all stupid."
"I have just one word for you: 'cladistics!'"
"Which one of them will oversee my living will?"
"Of course they notice! Now put on your rat suit, the subjects have stopped dancing and I can't hear Tone Loc for another hour."
"Guys. come look at this. 'That's the second biggest mouse I've ever seen'
Mousewell Smart"
"Ratzinger:
1. One-liner about a guy in a rat costume.
2. Pope"
"The
focus group facilities were all booked, sir, so we switched to the
participant-observation method. They seems to be displaying an
approach-avoidance behavior to this new Big Cheez Cola, and wonder when
they'll be getting their free Three Muskateers bars?"
"Ruldolph,
lecturing rats, 'This conditioned experimenter wears costume, we turn
experimenter feeds, records orienting response, and published, "Conditioning Unobtrusive Surrogate Orienting in My Rat Family."'"
"I think I'm gay"
"All we'd hoped for were twins."
"To enter their world. To be the rat. To think and act like Rattus rattus. Oh, and Wilkens, sorry about the nip on the testes."
"Singing: 'I think I'll change my name to BEN-E-DIIIIIICT!'
(Sorry.)"
"Quick! Who rejects my nipples."
"'Laboratory Creationsim: The Role Call'
...Hickory, Dickory, Dock,
GeorgeWalkory, Trickory, Tock,
Bushory, Snickory, Schlock..."
"Accross the top to read;
OVER - ACHIEVING RESEARCHER
caption: Note to self, schedule lasik"
"Poor Ken Auletta just couldn't see where this cable thing was heading."
"I think talking to 'em about abstinence is dumber than showing them Passion of Christ last week..."
"Congregation
for the Doctrine of the Faith: This is how I listened to the junior
people, Herr Doctor. It's the new culture of life."
"I LIKE TO THINK I'M BRINGING THEM HOPE IN WHAT THEY PERCEIVE AS A HOPELESS SITUATION."
"I think so."
"They wanna know if Omarosa's coming back."
"The
top mice live in NY. The bottom ones live in California and get the
magazine on April 23th. The caption is due on the 24th. The test is:
which mice get really irritated."
"Squeek
squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek squeek (p < .002) squeek squeek
squeek squeek (p = .82) squeek squeek squeek squeek (p < .05)."
"Harriet Fuhrbaum is again complaining about unwelcomed attentions from Zach Knestor."
